We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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