I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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