I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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