I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
