Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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