Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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