just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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