I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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