I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
