You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
