we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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