11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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