Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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