I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
