Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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