I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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