Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
