u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jerry, you need to find god
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
