Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
