I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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