Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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