the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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