It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
