I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
