I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
