It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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