She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
