ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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