the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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