you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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