Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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