when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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