Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
