I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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