why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
