I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
