Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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