my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
