Duck Duck Cougar?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
