I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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