just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
