Umm I'm too high to move.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
