I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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