just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so let's talk penis.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
