sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
