Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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