If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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