Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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