I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
