Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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